Heart over brain
by siamcat08
Summary: If Sherlock will ever understand how love works? John isn't really sure about it, but keeps explaining to him and while doning so he realises how he actually feels about his best friend.


Heartover brain

Johnlock

»I don't understand love, … It's such a nonsense,« Sherlock muttered annoyed. John looked at Sherlock, why sitting down in his armchair.

»… It isn't, ... it's a miracle of life.« »Oh, yeah of course, had never thought, that you believe in such a nonsense.« John sighted. The only thing, which was nonsense, was just the conversation, John couldn't explain it anyway. »How can two people just decide to spend the rest of their life's caring for the other one. Two people who maybe only met and felt

"in love".« Sherlock put a pejorative expression on. »How is it possible, that one stays together with the same person, you can just bear yourself for such a long time. Besides how should somebody be able to imagine what the other feels?« Incredulous he was staring at John and laid down his arms on his armchair. » I know you don't understand.«

»But I want understand.«

»Why that suddenly?« John frowned. Sherlock ignored him and tried to explain it himself, with the things he knew:

»Love is when the eyes are wide and the pulse races, like by the woman.«

» Sherlock, … Love is about so much more, that's just … the symptom. It's like you said before, when two people want to share everything and cannot imagine a life without each other. Two persons, from two different families with different stories, and although they can understand each other and feel safety, protection, security, just love. Love just happens, no one can control it.« John tried to explain like he would do it to a child, even if Sherlock would never have sympathy for love and John knew that very well, he would never be able to imagine how much that hurts John. Sometimes he didn't understand his feelings for Sherlock himself. Sherlock was his best friend, but he couldn't deny that there was more.

»Impossible,« John's thoughts were interrupted by Sherlock. » It's not possible, how can just two completely different persons … like each other?« Sherlock sighted confused.

»Like I said, nonsense.« He was running his hand through his dark curls and ruffled

them into a mess.

»And like I said, it isn't.«

»Why do you insist on persuading me?« Sherlock stopped, with the Fingers still in his hair, he looked up.

» _You_ want to know how that works,« John replayed quickly, while trying to hide his disappointment, maybe it was a bit too quick, because now Sherlock scrutinized him extensively. John avoided eye contact to his opposite person and rather watched the ground. John was such an idiot, how could he have only thought for one second, Sherlock could get it? How could he just feel the way he does for Sherlock, at least it was _Sherlock_! » How is it possible that you never were in love with somebody and that you never cared about someone? How … how can you just be so emotionless?« As quick as he could John tried to escape from the views of his friend and rushed into the kitchen. He felt how Sherlock's view laid in his back. His eyes already were filled with tears, he didn't know what he should do, he just didn't wanted Sherlock to see his emotional outburst. The tears rolled down his face and John started slowly realising what he always felt for his best friend, just every time he was on his side, he was as happy as he could be, even though it was just running behind him to make him look intelligent. Since today for John it was only friendship, but now it was clear, … it was love.

John was frozen in staring out of the window, watching the grey wall of the neighbour house. How can he felt in love with Sherlock? He was so terrible to him, he always called him stupid. He never will be able to expect feelings from Sherlock, he was not going to tell about, either. How could John feel the warmth inside every time when these ice cold man entered the room.

»John, that starts getting boring!«

Yes of course it was boring, John was just boring for Sherlock. John's sadness shortly turned into anger but then fell back into sadness. John didn't know why, but there was little hope in him that Sherlock could love him, too. And this was what made him feel that way, because he knew the whole thing was pointless, even though his heart still had another opinion. He sniffled as quiet as it was possible and rested his elbows on the worktop, without turning away his view from the outside, he answered Sherlock with an unintentional thin voice:

»Of course it's boring, you just listen to your brain and you never let you heart speak, … if you actually have one.« he added even quietly.

A few seconds passed before Sherlock asked: » John, what are we actually doing?« »Nothing,« John responded fast trying to bring his normal voice back. He hoped he wouldn't realise anything, or he had to explain everything, and in this condition he wasn't able to.

»Just … making tea.«

»Sure.« Sherlock called back doubting. John heard how Sherlock got up from his armchair. »Yes, I'm making tea.« Fast John took the kettle and filled it with water.

»Is everything alright, John?« Sherlock was already standing next to John, watching him. John easily went on making the tea, but Sherlock stopped him by gripping John's arm and pulling him back, that they were only a few centimetres distanced form each other. John didn't look up, he did what Sherlock to see him cry.

»What's up?«

»You don't understand.« John turned around rapid, avoiding other questions from Sherlock. »Tell me!« Sherlock bagged in his deep and soft voice.

»Just, … leave me alone!« John yelled in tears began streaming down his cheeks again. But Sherlock didn't, he didn't leave, he stayed. Unsurely he asked:

»John?«

» WHAT, Sherlock?« furious John turned around a second time.

»I'm sorry.«

»You're sorry…for…« John's voice broke and he choked. »… what?«

Sherlock seem not surprised to see John cry, instead his ice-blue eyes filled with sympathy captivated John's view.

»Because I said it's boring, you were right. Maybe … sometimes heart should lead the brain. I'm sorry that I didn't understand, the whole time. Everything is obvious for me, but that is different.«

»What, … what didn't you understand?« John breathed without letting his exhausted view go. Sherlock's view went form John's eyes to his lips and back. He slowly leaned forward and presses his lips against John's. John was surprised, but didn't refuse and just closed his eyes and laid his arms around Sherlock to put him closer.

He felt his warm breath on his skin, and the prickle spreading all over in his body.

Quite a while the both stayed arm in arm, forehead pressed together, so that the noses fairly touched.

»Maybe I understand love nevertheless.«

John couldn't other ways, he just smiled and Sherlock smiled back.

»And now I know how it feels, too.«

John closed his eyes again and enjoyed the proximity and the comfort.

 _End_


End file.
